A Small Pebble
A quiet five-minute pause, just for you.
Perhaps make yourself a cup of tea, find somewhere comfortable, and give yourself a few minutes where nobody needs anything from you.
Dear friend,
You can love your life and still know that something needs to change.
I think that's important to say.
You don't have to be unhappy.
Your marriage doesn't have to be falling apart.
You don't have to hate your job.
You don't have to want to run away and start again.
Sometimes it's much quieter than that.
Maybe you're tired of always being the one who sorts everything out.
Maybe you say yes before you've even asked yourself whether you want to.
Maybe something important to you keeps finding its way to the bottom of the list.
Or perhaps lately you've found yourself quietly wondering...
“Is this how I want to keep doing life?”
That question doesn't mean something is wrong.
It might simply be your Pebble.
🌊 The Water
Before we change anything, I think it's worth understanding how we got here.
I call this the Water.
Your Water is everything that has shaped the way you move through life.
Your family.
Your experiences.
Your relationships.
The expectations placed upon you.
What you watched the women around you do.
What you learned about being helpful, capable, responsible, agreeable or strong.
Some of those things have served you beautifully.
Some may not fit quite as well anymore.
And when we've been swimming in the same Water for long enough, we often can't see it.
We simply think:
“That's just who I am.”
But what if some of it isn't?
What if some of it is simply what you learned?
That's where awareness begins.
🩵 Something I'd like you to try
The Pebble Pause
This is a simple coaching tool you can begin using today.
And it only takes twenty seconds.
The next time you notice yourself automatically saying yes, fixing something, taking responsibility, apologising, keeping the peace or putting what you need aside...
PAUSE.
You don't have to change anything yet.
Don't judge yourself.
Just give yourself twenty seconds.
Take a breath.
Then gently ask yourself:
What am I feeling right now?
What am I automatically about to do?
What am I afraid might happen if I respond differently?
What do I actually need or want in this moment?
And finally...
What is one small response I could choose instead?
It doesn't have to be dramatic.
It might simply be:
“Let me think about that and come back to you.”
“I can't do that today.”
“Could someone else take this one?”
“Actually, that's not going to work for me.”
That's it.
No big overhaul.
No perfect response.
Just a little space between the pattern and what you choose to do next.
That space is your Pebble.
And what you choose next creates the Ripple.
☕ Now, make a little space for you
This is where I'd love you to do something for yourself.
Make your tea, find somewhere quiet, and give yourself permission to answer all five questions.
Don't overthink your answers.
Don't write what you think you should say.
Write what comes up first.
Your words stay on this page, in your own browser. They are never sent to Cathy or saved anywhere else.
Question 01
If nothing changes, what does your life look and feel like six months from now? And what about twelve months from now?
Question 02
What are you continuing to carry because you've always been the one who carries it?
Question 03
Where are you saying yes because it's easier than disappointing someone, even when part of you wants to say no?
Question 04
What do you already know needs to change, but keep putting off because you're not quite sure where to begin?
Question 05
If you could make a few small changes without turning your whole life upside down, what would you want to feel more of a year from now?
Now read your answers back to yourself.
Not to judge them.
Just notice.
Is there a word that keeps appearing?
A responsibility you're tired of carrying?
A boundary you know you need?
Something you've been putting off?
Or perhaps something you want that you haven't given yourself permission to want.
“What did I notice that I haven't allowed myself to say out loud before?”
That may be your Pebble. 🩵
🌀 Knowing isn't always the same as changing.
This is something I've learned in my own life, and something I see often in coaching.
You can know you need a boundary...
and still feel guilty setting one.
You can know you're carrying too much...
and still hear yourself saying,
“Don't worry, I'll do it.”
You can understand where a pattern came from...
and still find yourself repeating it.
And sometimes we simply can't see the pattern because we're standing right in the middle of it.
That's where having someone beside you can make a difference.
Not someone telling you how to live your life.
Someone who helps you slow things down.
Who asks the questions you haven't thought to ask.
Who helps you understand what's underneath the pattern.
And who walks beside you while you practise responding differently.
🤍 This is The Return
This is the work I do privately with women through my 8 Week Personal Coaching Program.
WATER → PEBBLE → RIPPLE → RETURN
Water
We understand what shaped you.
Pebble
We notice what's happening now.
Ripple
We begin making small, conscious choices, changes and boundaries.
Return
We strengthen your ability to trust yourself and have a place in your own life again.
This isn't about becoming someone new.
And it certainly isn't about blowing up the life you've worked hard to create.
It's about understanding yourself more deeply and deciding, consciously, what you want to carry forward.
Perhaps this was your Pebble. 🩵
If something in this reflection made you stop...
If you recognised yourself somewhere in these words...
Or you found yourself thinking,
“I know something needs to change. I just don't know where to begin.”
You are welcome to talk to me.
You don't need to know exactly what the problem is.
You don't need a plan.
And you certainly don't have to decide whether coaching is right for you before we speak.
Bring what's on your mind.
We'll start there.
Perhaps your first Ripple is simply giving yourself permission to have the conversation.
Twenty seconds of courage is enough to begin.
Book a complimentary Discovery Call with Cathy.
“You are not broken. You have been shaped.”
With love,
Cathy x
Cathy Clarke
Conscious Ripple
Water · Pebble · Ripple · Return
A little more Conscious Ripple?
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